in reality.

So, tomorrow i am going on the hunt for a new job. This job doesn't have to be amazing, but it must give me shifts. Currently at my place of employment i am stuck with bitch shifts that get left over because my manager is a lair and pomised me lots of hours but new employees are getting more then me, ridiculous? I think so. It is almost embarressing that i am staying there, only because it is a fun job, but in honestly i just want to go. it isn't fair that i am placed into it. gahhh! i can't believe i came back for this. i could've found an actual full time job in kingston and payed my rent and what not. Fuck, i am screwed. i don't have enough money for rent for june, or july so far. i need to find a new job.

I ventured out east to montreal for a night and spent 120, that is way to much money, because i am going to winsdsor this weekend to see andrew and i have no money. humm. really i am not in a good si tuation right not. i passed by kingston today and i missed it so much. i am such a baby when it comes to this, i know - but i can't help it. Today was just a bad day. i woke up like 216312786 times last night one of which was to puke my guts out, which ended in lots of dry heaving and nothing coming out. and waking up to my dry itchy throat and uncomfortable sheeting arrangments. 6 hour drive home, it is just a tired day.
i just want to sleep - but i can't. i am so tired. gahhh. and i work tomorrow.
i just want friday to come. that is all i really want.

first day of work.

...i'd be wrong.

and i was, fuck. work sucks my balls.
gah, i just wish i stayed in kingston. :(
plus, my feet hurt so much, never wear flats on a ten hours shift.
my allergies so so bad omg, every morning i wake up and can't even open my eyes cause they are like puffed shut (i look like a balloon) it is kinda silly really though. but now! my skin is mad dry.
i haven't seen ak in 4 days, it is so weird i miss him so much. gahh...
i work tomorrow too, with a kid named christian. never met him, new kids.
gah.

First day home.

Today i realized, as i was moving out from living on my own, going to school full time,i have to go home. coming home seemed so fun, but i am not work for a weeks? the reason why i didn't stay in kingston to begin with. I am already so frustrated with being here. And it is not being home, it is what reminds me of home and that i can't be in my own world. Yea, it is selfish but i miss ak so much, i miss just being silly, i miss going downtown. Oakville just fills me withs so many bad memories i can;t stand to stay. I think it is just because i am frustrated my room is disgusting and it is 2 in athe morning, i have to wait for my laundry to finish so i can't sleep on my bed, i tried 4 different mattress covers and none of them fit my fucking bed and all my clothes are dirty. i was looking forward to working becuase that way summer will go by quickly mand i would be back at school but fuck. i am not even on it yet. i wish i just stayed in kingston over the summer.

2 more things.

1. if you want to sing, please do not come to the library and hum
2. as tall as lions saved my life.

just one thing.

asians aren't assholes, they just don't care or recognize mistakes.

summer is here.

in reality i should be happy that i have a 4 month break to dick off and work. But actually I don't want to go. As much as i complained and hated it, i am going to miss it and everyone.

I have an exam tomorrow that i am not ready for. I have an assignment to tomorrow that is half wrong and not yet complete. I spent all my free time making andrew a card because he is leaving tomorrow when i shouldve been doing work. but it was too much fun. I love making cards and i am going to miss him so much.

It has been so nice everyday for the past week so, ultimately i can't focus. all i want to do it sit by the lake and tan or cuddle and not study, cause studying can suck my b.

I go home in like two days, and in a way i am sad and excited. I love being with my friends and family at home, and i miss my cat so much but i am going to miss being free at school. Although my dad isn't very limiting... humm. I am definitley going to miss andrew the most, ontario hall, fine arts, ban righ, side escapes, steps all that jazz, but i mean summer will be fun right?

camping? road trips? working ? (N)

schoooll will be awesome next year tho. I get my own house with my own room, back here near bedores. hujmmmm can't wait. but i should study now. cause i have exam tomorrow that i haven't started studying for yet. so yea.

i just had to.

one more thing.

i am a born ruffian

Art History.

basically ruins my life, i should be studying for womens studies but i have to do this thing and it is actually really hard this time, in the past it was fair, but like half the answers are like not even in the course ware!!! damn Early american films and moving pictures. Damn edison and horse fairs and visual arts and mixed film! I don't want to do work, especially because it is beautiful outside.

FUCKERS!

in most cases this is the best album to pull me through -



1. Quiet
2. our world is our ____
3. I believe in your Victory
4. Grandfather clock
5. Happiness: we're all in it together
6. There are some remedies worse then disease

THE I'MS.

so bored, tired, delerious, realizeing it is 1:30, dying to lie down, going to grab my brain and through it out the window it hurts so much, dying of minty texture glazed over my mouth, and so tired - going to go to bed.

BORN RUFFIANS

01. Born Ruffians - Red, Yellow, Blue
02. Born Ruffians - Barnacle Goose
03. Born Ruffians - Hummingbird
04. Born Ruffians - I Need a Life
05. Born Ruffians - Little Garçon
06. Born Ruffians - Badonk a Donkey
07. Born Ruffians - Foxes Mate for Life
08. Born Ruffians - Hedonistic Me
09. Born Ruffians - In a Mirror
10. Born Ruffians - Kurt Vonnegut
11. Born Ruffians - Red Elephant

head calmer.

band like this remind you what music can become.

The Wooden sky - just a few amazing tracks.
1. The Bird has Flown
2. Darker streets then mine
3. North Dakota
4. poor Caroline
5. when lost at sea
6. Wooden sky

I fear the summer will ruin it all, and I don't want that to happen.

this is me, as a lolcat of course.



i am so tired i can't even think, my eyeballs feel as if they are escaping from their sockets and about to explode.

and i want sushi.

today is a.....day

flip-flop, frappaiccino, Eisley, New found glory, green tea, cardigan, death cab, fun, awesome, picture, get a coffee and sit by the lake, read a book day, not a study, sunglasses, bright colour, knit, walk around, sit outside and play with the dirt, sketch, watermelon :) - or kiwi, picnic, listen to lots and lot of music, feist, as tall as lions, drive around and listen to loud music, coffee, scarf, bangs up, guitar playing, walking and stopping, telling dumb stories, The early november, sit on the steps, cream cheese and cucumber sandwiches, candy - lots of candy, cloud wathcing/bird wathcing, writing song, being with peopl, through you damn frizzbee, origami, pet dogs, relate to squirrels, draw fake tattoos, get milk shakes, talk about lovers, THE SHINS, sing sings in the streets, flats, smoothies!!!, java chip frapz with a shot of mint, whip cream, soup outside - cause it isn't too hot, BBQ"Z omg - i miss those so much, sit on the porch, pretend to get sit, have random destinations, conjure up plans that will never follow through, long talks, old music, ... today is not a study day.

just a few pictures i found while studying.

i was studying for music, and these are all famoous producers in specific genres of music. These pictures are wicked, so i posted them.