i never really will understand.

I guess, i just realized i will never understand what is really going on at the moment. I am tired and just mentally exhausted and i want to go home and be with my family, because in the state, it is the only place i ultimately feel sane. Yet, i have the people i care so much about here, and it would make sense that i would fell that here, but i don't know, maybe i don't know what i want anymore. With school dwindling and my program being destroyed it makes me think of what i could do for the rest of my life, and as it now, it doesn't involve staying here. Sometimes i fell no relations to the people here, in a sense i know that that sounds depressing, but really i am not. i am just fed up with being here.

I miss enjoying time alone. now if i am alone i am bored and mad cause i am not with that person/people and i am sick of the feeling. but i don't want to loose those people i love those people and i couldn't even think of living without them. but, stability comes in different forms then alcohol, drugs, and being friendly.
I really don't want to go home this weekend but i think it would be good for me to leave this bubble behind and go to the one i know best, in oakville. i hate that place but at times like these i know it is the only thing that will make me feel better.

gah enough ranting. i fear what the opposite doesn't feel that same. humm i guess we will never know.

bye bye