IN ALL SINCERITY..

THIS MEANS THE WORLD TO ME. humm, what a beautiful song dedicated to being straight edge. <3 lulz.

i miss hardcore/puck and all it has to offer. Unlike new wave music that is out there, i am sorry but aka electroica, i feel like it is emotionless and unsatisfactory. I need something more energetic, lively i guess i mean something with background something that is wanted or needed to be said - and not just danceable (which it is all very danceable, but in a much more violent way) when I hear when people are passionate about this music, they seem so interested about what they are talking about and so concentrated and honestly i am sorry to the wonderful hipsters out there, i feel like i wasted my time on electronica/house/dance. I know in a way these artists make music to make music, and aren't just doing it so the sake of the scene surrounding it, or at least i hope not.


I am at work right now, like everyother day. Wake up at 5 go to work for 6, go home at 4. Sleep and go out. n a way i am happy because I am working and making money, but i am wasteing life working. i know it, and i despise that it is true. GAH!! and another problem i drink way to much caffine when i am here - just destorying my stomach, thats cool (Y).

p.s - I like when customers ask me may name and then i have to repeat it like 5 or 6 times because they can't pronouce it and it the end - i just end up telling them my name is something it isn't because it is easier.

example:
cus:hey how are you? whats your name?
me:Brienne
cus: oh Brianne
me: uh,, no brienne like bri - n
cus: oh like brianne
me: ummm, no brienne (questionable look on my face)
cus: brianne?
me: you can call me brie
cus: brie?
me: yea like the cheese?
cus: oh cute!
me: OMFG!

i just don;t understand people and how incapable they can be - gawd.

anyway computer is going to die. payce/

at times like these.

At times like these, Pelican takes over my life and makes you realize music is amazing all over again. especially when work sucks and home sucks, this some how makes it seem worth it.

yea.

i love him.

in reality.

So, tomorrow i am going on the hunt for a new job. This job doesn't have to be amazing, but it must give me shifts. Currently at my place of employment i am stuck with bitch shifts that get left over because my manager is a lair and pomised me lots of hours but new employees are getting more then me, ridiculous? I think so. It is almost embarressing that i am staying there, only because it is a fun job, but in honestly i just want to go. it isn't fair that i am placed into it. gahhh! i can't believe i came back for this. i could've found an actual full time job in kingston and payed my rent and what not. Fuck, i am screwed. i don't have enough money for rent for june, or july so far. i need to find a new job.

I ventured out east to montreal for a night and spent 120, that is way to much money, because i am going to winsdsor this weekend to see andrew and i have no money. humm. really i am not in a good si tuation right not. i passed by kingston today and i missed it so much. i am such a baby when it comes to this, i know - but i can't help it. Today was just a bad day. i woke up like 216312786 times last night one of which was to puke my guts out, which ended in lots of dry heaving and nothing coming out. and waking up to my dry itchy throat and uncomfortable sheeting arrangments. 6 hour drive home, it is just a tired day.
i just want to sleep - but i can't. i am so tired. gahhh. and i work tomorrow.
i just want friday to come. that is all i really want.

first day of work.

...i'd be wrong.

and i was, fuck. work sucks my balls.
gah, i just wish i stayed in kingston. :(
plus, my feet hurt so much, never wear flats on a ten hours shift.
my allergies so so bad omg, every morning i wake up and can't even open my eyes cause they are like puffed shut (i look like a balloon) it is kinda silly really though. but now! my skin is mad dry.
i haven't seen ak in 4 days, it is so weird i miss him so much. gahh...
i work tomorrow too, with a kid named christian. never met him, new kids.
gah.

First day home.

Today i realized, as i was moving out from living on my own, going to school full time,i have to go home. coming home seemed so fun, but i am not work for a weeks? the reason why i didn't stay in kingston to begin with. I am already so frustrated with being here. And it is not being home, it is what reminds me of home and that i can't be in my own world. Yea, it is selfish but i miss ak so much, i miss just being silly, i miss going downtown. Oakville just fills me withs so many bad memories i can;t stand to stay. I think it is just because i am frustrated my room is disgusting and it is 2 in athe morning, i have to wait for my laundry to finish so i can't sleep on my bed, i tried 4 different mattress covers and none of them fit my fucking bed and all my clothes are dirty. i was looking forward to working becuase that way summer will go by quickly mand i would be back at school but fuck. i am not even on it yet. i wish i just stayed in kingston over the summer.

2 more things.

1. if you want to sing, please do not come to the library and hum
2. as tall as lions saved my life.

just one thing.

asians aren't assholes, they just don't care or recognize mistakes.

summer is here.

in reality i should be happy that i have a 4 month break to dick off and work. But actually I don't want to go. As much as i complained and hated it, i am going to miss it and everyone.

I have an exam tomorrow that i am not ready for. I have an assignment to tomorrow that is half wrong and not yet complete. I spent all my free time making andrew a card because he is leaving tomorrow when i shouldve been doing work. but it was too much fun. I love making cards and i am going to miss him so much.

It has been so nice everyday for the past week so, ultimately i can't focus. all i want to do it sit by the lake and tan or cuddle and not study, cause studying can suck my b.

I go home in like two days, and in a way i am sad and excited. I love being with my friends and family at home, and i miss my cat so much but i am going to miss being free at school. Although my dad isn't very limiting... humm. I am definitley going to miss andrew the most, ontario hall, fine arts, ban righ, side escapes, steps all that jazz, but i mean summer will be fun right?

camping? road trips? working ? (N)

schoooll will be awesome next year tho. I get my own house with my own room, back here near bedores. hujmmmm can't wait. but i should study now. cause i have exam tomorrow that i haven't started studying for yet. so yea.

i just had to.

one more thing.

i am a born ruffian

Art History.

basically ruins my life, i should be studying for womens studies but i have to do this thing and it is actually really hard this time, in the past it was fair, but like half the answers are like not even in the course ware!!! damn Early american films and moving pictures. Damn edison and horse fairs and visual arts and mixed film! I don't want to do work, especially because it is beautiful outside.

FUCKERS!

in most cases this is the best album to pull me through -



1. Quiet
2. our world is our ____
3. I believe in your Victory
4. Grandfather clock
5. Happiness: we're all in it together
6. There are some remedies worse then disease